Author of adventure/thriller and horror fiction

Miyazaki is Amazing

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Hayao Miyazaki is a Japanese producer/director, animator/author/screenwriter, and manga artist. Over the past 50 years, he achieved widespread acclaim as the creator of anime feature films that are commercial successes in Japan, mostly through his production company Studio Ghibli. Most people in the West hadn’t heard of him until Princess Mononoke.

Miyazaki is a traditionalist, favoring hand-painted animation, often using water colors. He usually starts the animation before the script is finished and the storyboards are still developing.

His work is amazing. I’ve been working my way through his films thanks to friends Ron and Ella. So far, I’ve seen Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, Porco Rosso, Castle of Cagliostro and Princes Mononoke. My favorite is definitely Porco Rosso, the tale of a WWI fighter pilot who lives his life as a pig.

Miyazaki manages to convey a breathtaking sense of wonder in his films, amazingly charming characters, and interesting stories. He infuses each character with very human traits revealed through action, which conveys a deep sense of empathy and realism.

If you enjoy anime and haven’t watched his films yet, I recommend you check them out.

LADY BUG by Paul Telegdi

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lady-bugCRASH DIVE, my submarine series, is so fun to write, I’ve been thinking about writing a series about the crew of a Sherman tank. First step is to see what else is out there, which brought me to LADY BUG. In Paul Telegdi’s war novel, the crew of a Sherman tank fights from North Africa to Italy during WW2. Not all of them will be coming home, however, at least in one piece.

LADY BUG is a flawed minor masterpiece. First, the flaws. The character development is sketchy in the first hundred pages. The point of view jumps around a bit before we find out Hawkins, the tank commander, is the main character. Often, the characters less converse than give speeches to each other. In many cases, those speeches serve as minor info dumps about the war, and the reader is left with the impression the author is talking, not the character.

Nonetheless, like I said, it’s a bit of a masterpiece.

Despite its flaws, the novel feels completely authentic. Telegdi didn’t serve in WW2, but he clearly did his homework. Not only does he capture the geographies and weaponry in excellent detail, but the routines of Army life. The novel reads as if written by somebody who’d been there, done that.

The action scenes are short but enormously powerful. You really feel the rush and horror of combat, what it might have been like to fight inside one of those tanks.

An interesting development is about half the book takes place stateside as one of the characters recovers from an injury and tries to reintegrate into civilian society after the horrors he’s witnessed. This was a risky move, but once it gets rolling, it works, and it elevates the book to something greater than just a pulpy war novel. The result is bigger than the sum of its parts. It achieves something like pathos.

Telegdi has written a lot of other books. I’m curious to check them out.

AFTER, Edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling

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afterWhat happens after the end of the world? That’s the thematic question behind AFTER, an anthology of nineteen stories edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling.

Contributors include Carrie Ryan, Richard Bowes, Caitlin R. Kiernan, Jeffrey Ford and more.

It’s an eclectic collection with a literary bent. In the stories, the characters often try to find meaning and control in an atmosphere of dramatic change or post-change.

My favorite stories were:

Carrie Ryan’s “After the Cure” tells the story of a young woman cured of a vampire affliction that is threatening to overrun the world. The problem is the society that cured her doesn’t trust her, while she remembers and often longs for the pure simplicity and sense of family among the undead hunters of the night.

N.K. Jemisin’s “Valedictorian” tells the story of a young woman at the top of her school and living in a society enclosed by a superior machine intelligence. The last humans barely survived the war and now hide behind a massive wall that everyone knows offers no real protection. Each year, the machines ask for the smartest among the humans to be handed over.

Carol Emshwiller’s “All I Know of Freedom” tells the story of a young woman kept as an indentured servant in the home of a rich family during a time of mass poverty and natural calamity. She stumbles across a religious community that is building a rocket ship to start a new life on another planet.

Steven Gould’s “Rust with Wings” tells the story of a young man fleeing his home with his family. Behind him, a growing infestation of strange insects that devour metal is growing.

Metthew Kressel’s “The Great Game at the End of the World” tells the story of a brother and sister playing a baseball game with a strange set of creatures on a torn section of earth thrown into space, the private collection of a vast intelligence.

The voices were refreshing to this jaded apocalyptic reader, though I wish Datlow had reached out to more authors who specialize in apocalyptic fiction.

47 Tips for Effective Dialogue (Part 2)

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At the When Words Collide writing conference in Calgary in August, I gave a fast-paced one-hour presentation on dialogue.

Originally, it was supposed to cover 10 tips for effective dialogue, but that wasn’t good enough.

In the end, I provided 47 tips.

I’m happy to share these tips in a series of blog posts. Part 1 covered 29 tips. Part 2 covers 18 tips.

A number of sources informed this presentation, but the primary ones are shown here. All are worth reading.

dialogue1

Tip #30: “Never use a verb other than ‘said’ to carry dialogue,” Elmore Leonard said.

“____,” she said.
“___,” she said, “___.”
She said, “____.”
She said: “_____.”

Do you agree with Leonard? I don’t. I think you should use “said” wherever possible and introduce other tags if they make sense and convey meaning.

Which brings me to:

Tip #31: Other tags can be used for emphasis, exaggeration or to add a little variety.

“____,” he commanded.
“___,” he hissed, “___.”
He cried, “____.”
He roared: “_____.”

Tip #32: Avoid overused and complicated tags.

Minimize overused tags such as “sighed.”

Minimize complicated tags such as “expostulated.”

“Asked” may be redundant if used with “?”

“Hissed” works best if there’s an “s” sound in the dialogue.

Avoid using actions such as “laughed” and “smiled” as tags unless you really, really need it.

Tip #33: Use as few tags as possible.

We don’t want this:

“___,” Jane said.

“___,” John said.

“___,” Jane said.

“___,” John said.

“___,” Jane said.

“___,” John said.

Tip #34: If a tag follows dialogue, close with a comma (inside end quote), otherwise a period, exclamation point or ellipse (declarative).

“Yes,” she said.

“Yes.”

“Yes…”

Close with question mark (or ellipse plus question mark) if interrogative.

Tip #35: Replace tags with dialogue beats—action, facial expression, tone of voice.

If a character does something in the same paragraph as dialogue, no tag is needed.

She pumped her fist. “Yes!”

She smiled. “Yes.”

Her voice rose an octave. “Yes!”

Tip #36: Stage direction (like tags) can provide a short pause but with more drama.

A: “I’m going to finish this beer. Then I’m going to kill you.”

B: “I’m going to finish this beer.” He pulled a knife from his boot and set it on the table. “Then I’m going to kill you.”

Both work, but the second edges up the tension.

Tip #37: Body language is a form of dialogue that can be used for dialogue beats.

#1:

“Jane?”

She frowned and turned away.

#2:

“Jane?”

Her eyes seemed to dance. “What?”

Tip #38: Body language comes from feelings and personality.

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Books like the emotional thesaurus can be a useful resource.

Tip #39: Body language reinforces or belies dialogue.

Two examples below. The first reinforces, the second belies.

He pounded his fist against the table. “No more of this!”

He grimaced. “Happy to do it, honey.”

Tip #40: Avoid overused actions in final draft.

I say final draft because in the first, writers often use crutches to keep writing at a brisk pace.

Examples: sigh, shrug, nod, turn, look, pause.

Use software to generate frequency of repeat words (Scrivener, Autocrit.com, HemingwayApp.com, etc.).

Also ensure actions fit character. Would an optimist sigh? A decisive person shrug?

Tip #41: Dialogue can convey facial expression based on context.

While body language can enhance dialogue, dialogue also conveys body language, so you have two tools to work with. Of course, this is based on context.

“I despise you,” she said.

(We can “hear” the glare.)

“So, you want to come upstairs for a drink?” she said.

(We can “hear” her playful smile.)

Tip #42: “Never use an adverb to modify the verb ‘said.’” –Elmore Leonard.

Do you agree with Leonard? I don’t.

But again, be as sparing as possible. I recommend writing with adverbs and then do a search for “ly.” At each instance, take the word out. If the sentence works just as well without the adverb, leave it out. Otherwise, put it back in.

Tip #43: Use adverbs to convey rather than reinforce meaning.

Right:

“I love you,” he said dully.

Wrong:

“Help me,” she said beseechingly.

Alternate to using “dully”:

“I love you.” He said it with all the enthusiasm of noting the time.

Tip #44: Start a new paragraph when a new person is talking. If character does an action, put it in the same paragraph.

“Let’s go,” she said.

He glanced up from his book. “I’m reading.”

“No, you’re not.”

He said, “I was.”

She raised the gun. “Well, you’re not anymore.”

Tip #45: Italics can change the meaning and tone of a sentence. (Be sparing.)

A: “I’m not going,” he said. (“I’m not going.”)

B: “I’m not going,” he said. (“I’m not going, but maybe somebody else it.”

C: “I’m not going,” he said. (“Even if you threaten to kill me.”)

D: “I’m not going.” (Total emphasis.)

Italics and devices like capitals are like camera zooms. They call attention to themselves. Be absolutely sparing, or go all out for effect.

Tip #46: Watch your “!”

“Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than 2 or 3 per 100,000 words of prose.” –Elmore Leonard

“An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Whatever!” –Craig

Write your story with “!” Find the “!” Take it out. If it works without it, leave it out.

Tip #47: Quotation marks are optional but safer.

A lack of quotation marks is common in Southern Gothic (see Cormac McCarthy). In Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier uses a dash preceding dialogue.

If you break convention, intention and confidence are required. Note anytime you do something different, there are risks.

You can experiment, such as taking out quotation marks in flashbacks.

THANKS FOR LISTENING

That concludes “47 Tips for Effective Dialogue.” I hope you learned something. I certainly did writing it.

Click here to download a PDF of the presentation I gave at When Words Collide.